From d-r Sugar, dedicated to all the brave people, who care about their intimate life.
If this happens just once in a while, then everything is fine. You can always explain your mood and make it up to your beloved on the next day. Sometimes diseases like flu or the famine period may also cause depletion of sexual desire. However, when there is a real problem and sex is like a taboo on a regular basis, we have to face it in order to deal with it.
It’s not easy to tell your partner that you do not need to have sex. While some people blame themselves or their partners for it, the problem might be sexual or libido discrepancy (partners’ levels of sexual desire don’t match up). This is actually one of the most common challenges for all couples, regardless of their sex, age, ethnos, religion or sexual orientation.
How strong do you want it?
Sex drive is inborn. Levels of neuroendocrine and biological factors determine how strong it is, but everyone is born with a certain level. On the other hand, sexual motivation depends on how you actually intend to have sex, and this depends on the relationship. Even when your sexual desire is high, how motivated will you feel if you constantly argue with your beloved?
How to trigger sex?
Sometime you want it all spontaneously, while other times, you react to sexy words and attitude of your partner. Spontaneous desire needs just a bit of stimulus, just like in movies – you do not need foreplay or warm-up. All you want to do is just grab each other immediately. This is not the case with responsive sexual desire, which relies on context, which is the right “atmosphere” and other conditions, like more kisses and caresses. In some cases, lack of desire can be due to biological (medications) factors, emotional (frustration and depression), physical (discomfort), environmental (stress), or even situational. Sexual desire is not constant, but it is dependent on many of the above factors, which means that we are responsible for our sexual desire. If we have too much desire, or too less, this will show us if we have to take certain measures in order to be more or less stimulating the wish. There are of course the factors, which we cannot control completely: hormone deficiency, medication, depression, chronic pain, etc.).
To conclude, the most important thing is that we remove our expectations towards our partner. The sooner, the better. This means that we have to take steps to try to improve our own intimate desire and performance and to support our partner so that he or she can improve itself as well. Am I trying enough? Each one of us has to find the right answer for himself. And, your partner may have a valid opinion too.